I have to agree that this would be the ideal situation. I was the one who initiated the taken in hand relationship with my husband, so, as Race said, I continue to initiate corrections and this is frustrating. I am encouraged that he writes that this is a slow process, because I do see some small signs of change. But, as most women on this site would agree, being "taken in hand" means not HAVING to be in charge of the changes being made! And yet--there is the sense that if we don't continue to initiate, the whole thing will fall apart due to the husband's inattention!
We had this problem too. I think part of it was that I had always pushed for things all along. He insisted right from the start that he would set the pace. He understands sometimes more than me what a big change this is for us. He knows that if we move too quickly we will not be happy with the results. So he always reminds me when I get frustrated, much like Race, that he is in charge and he sets the pace. As time goes on we are moving forward and we are getting closer. Growth takes time, and we have had and still have a lot of growing to do.
Naturally, I sympathise with the women who crave more control and push for it – I want it all, and I want it now! But Tevemer's husband seems very wise to me. It is so true that things can go horribly wrong if you try to change too quickly. The number of possible blind alleys is huge, and whilst you are bound to go down one or two here and there in this or anything else, taking things slowly can help avoid going so far down a blind alley that you can't find your way back out of it and end up lost and cursing yourself for having been so foolish as to set out on such a journey!
Yes, it's frustrating; yes, we want it all and we want it now, but it is a considerate and caring man who does not cave in to any inadvertent pressure on our parts to take total control and do it NOW! (On the other hand..... I want it all, and I want it now!)